Where Did 19 Years Go?

Last night we drove up to visit our "old neighbors".  About 19 years ago we moved in across the street from Kathy & Joe.  At the time they had 2 boys - roughly 3rd & 5th grade. Our kids were still figments of  imagination.

Watching Joe & Kathy raise their boys was the best parenting instruction Gail and I could have asked for. We learned patience, perseverance, the value of sticking to your guns, and how a well timed glass of wine or beer (for the parent!) is an appropriate remedy.

Lucky for us Joe is a paramedic. More than a few times we called Joe over to "take a look at this" in regards for a bloody finger (no stitches), a banged head (stitches), etc.  Kathy was "911 nextdoor" for Gail to call on with the anxiety of being a new mom.  Our kids grew up calling their boys "NeeNee" and "Big Jon" - both of them are 6' plus!

So many years ago we shared countless evenings sitting over bonfires, sharing stories, and developing a friendship that is deep and meaningful.  Not to say the years have been paved with rainbows and stress free living. Both families have survived some big stresses -  like most families do. It gave me pause last night when we realized that NeeNee is the same age as I was when we moved in. Literally - where did the time go?!

Today, our kids are now 15 & 17, their "boys" are 28 & 30.  Both are married, NeeNee to his high-school sweetheart, and Big Jon to a fine young lady from Idaho, and they both are proud parents! That makes Joe & Kathy loving grandparents of two boys, and both daughter-in-laws are expecting again.  NeeNee will welcome another son into their lives, and Big Jon will bring - for the first time in a generation - a new baby girl to the family.  2012 is looking to be a great year!

Last  night was a blessing in many ways. 

Hearing our kids call out "NeeNee" and "Big Jon".

We shared laughs, updates on our lives, got to know Big Jon's wife a little better, and recounted old stories.

Joe gave our son some great insight into a possible college / career path.

We'll survive these teenage years. I just hope the end result is what Joe & Kathy have. What an evening!

But I didn't inhale . . .

Former President Clinton almost told the truth (IMHO) when running for election. He claimed to have smoked, but NOT inhale pot. Across the country you could hear snickering. This came to mind last night when an "old friend" came over last night for a class of wine and some visiting. (BTW, she brought over 7 Deadly Zins wine which was very good! I digress . . . she shared a story in which she had breakfast with a friend of hers. They both have kids that are Seniors in high school. The other mother shared how proud she was of her child because he was no longer smoking pot. My friend had a momentary internal conflict. Does she nod her head yes while knowing that the son is still smoking pot, or does she tell her friend.

In the end, as Hillary Clinton's conveyed in her book, "It Takes a Village: And Other Lessons children Teach Us" we parents need to help each other to raise good children to grow into respectable adults. So my friend was honest and shared what was going on. The mother bought a drug test from the local Walgreens and asked her son to do the test. He refused. He whined. He accused his mother of not trusting him. All the while steadfastly refusing to do the drug test. Then the boy went to school and accused the daughter of my friend of being a nark for telling on him. The reality is the daughter had no idea her mother knew; and certainly had no idea what her mother was going to say.

All this brings to mind a couple of thoughts . . .

One, my friend did the absolute right thing. As one parent to another, friend to friend. Her goal was to be supportive and honest with her friend, to help her be an aware mother of what is really up with her child. We all need friends like that. We would "all want to know" if it was our child. We may not like it - but we'd want to know.

Two, the boy is a mess. Not because he's a pothead. He's a mess because he's a liar. He lies to his parents  about who he is and what he's doing. He's not trustworthy. As a parent what would be more hurtful than to know that your child is an untrustworthy liar?

Third, the boy is a jerk. He is making the life of another student miserable by accusing her of doing something she didn't do. And rather than take personal responsibility for the fact that he really is a pot-head he's telling everyone that my friends daughter is a jerk.

I guess there would be something more hurtful than knowing that a child is an untrustworthy liar. It would be to have a child that is an irresponsible untrustworthy liar. What a mess. Hopefully he'll grow up - soon.

Oh, and another thing . . .

The other night, while enjoying dinner, my wife and I were talking about her day at work and what we were going to do that evening. Our 16 year old made a HUGE mistake and walked into the kitchen - which prompted my wife to say "Oh, and another thing (while turning to face our son) YOUR CAR IS A PIGSTY! Then her eyes narrowed and to emphasize her point she repeated "PIGSTY, it's disgusting". Our son has learned a great deal from me in how to stand up to his mother when she is yelling. He kept his mouth shut, bowed his head slightly and concentrated on staring through the floor to China.

Evidently my wife was right. Later that night our son filled one trash bag and brought in two baskets of "stuff" consisting of a sleeping bag and pillow (from a retreat he went to in early August), a broken umbrella, four jackets and, well the list goes on . . .

While my wife was busy playing Mahjong with her girlfriends I sneaked out to my car with a bottle of Windex and paper towels. Just to make sure it would pass any surprise inspection.

Illinois Legislature Sucks Hens Teeth

Admittedly I have a big bias (my wife is a teacher) in the discussion about public employee pensions, the current shortfall, and what should be done to solve the problem. I propose that every legislature member and governor that caused the problem should have their pensions reduced / eliminated to restore the public employee retirement funds to their proper levels.  

Consider the facts . . . 

Teachers do not get Social Security.  The get TRS - Teachers Retirement Service.

Private Sector Employees contribution of gross income into Social Security: 6.5%

Teachers contribution of gross income into TRS:  9.4%

State of ILL (old school abbreviation on purpose) gross income contribution match for each teacher is: 6.5%

Employers gross income contribution match for each employee: 6.2%

TRS was set up to never run out of funds.

State of ILL has NOT made a full payment to TRS in 40 years.

IMAGINE if a private sector employer did not make full payment to Social Security.

The State of ILL, on several occasions, has "borrowed" from TRS to fund projects and cover budget shortfalls.

The "borrowed" money has never been paid back.
IMAGINE if a private sector employer plundered employees retirement accounts.

The Illinois legislature and governors are the cause of the current problem.

They failed to make required contributions. They stole from the TRS fund.

PS: When a teacher works in the private sector they contribute 6.5% of their private sector income into SSN just like everyone else.  HOWEVER, when they draw SSN benefits, the benefit is cut by 67% due to the income received from their TRS.

First Line of Defense - FAIL

This past Saturday morning I was a the Libertyville office of the Illinois Secretary of State. I was renewing my drivers license. Imagine a big "help" desk with about 8 stations. Your number gets called and you go up to get help and move on to the next station.

The lady I was working with paused in mid-sentence as we heard her colleague say to the gentlemen she was helping, "Oh, your name is flagged. It says you are being flagged as a potential terrorist threat. I need to get my supervisor.". The man appeared to be in his mid-20's and seemed a bit surprised. The lady continued with saying . . . "Sometimes this happens because of a name match, or similar sounding name. My supervisor will ask you a couple of questions. If he can't clear you then we'll have you speak with someone else".

So she picks up the phone and calls the supervisor. His office was about 5 feet in back of her. I'm thinking "this will be interesting" and wondered what Home Land Security means in suburbia.

Well, I found out - and it isn't good.

The supervisor walks over and asks, "Where's the form?" The lady hands him a piece of paper, he grabs a pen out of his shirt, scribbles something on it, turns around and heads back to his office.

Never asked the guy a question, didn't even establish eye contact.