Former President Clinton almost told the truth (IMHO) when running for election. He claimed to have smoked, but NOT inhale pot. Across the country you could hear snickering. This came to mind last night when an "old friend" came over last night for a class of wine and some visiting. (BTW, she brought over 7 Deadly Zins wine which was very good! I digress . . . she shared a story in which she had breakfast with a friend of hers. They both have kids that are Seniors in high school. The other mother shared how proud she was of her child because he was no longer smoking pot. My friend had a momentary internal conflict. Does she nod her head yes while knowing that the son is still smoking pot, or does she tell her friend.In the end, as Hillary Clinton's conveyed in her book, "It Takes a Village: And Other Lessons children Teach Us" we parents need to help each other to raise good children to grow into respectable adults. So my friend was honest and shared what was going on. The mother bought a drug test from the local Walgreens and asked her son to do the test. He refused. He whined. He accused his mother of not trusting him. All the while steadfastly refusing to do the drug test. Then the boy went to school and accused the daughter of my friend of being a nark for telling on him. The reality is the daughter had no idea her mother knew; and certainly had no idea what her mother was going to say.
All this brings to mind a couple of thoughts . . .
One, my friend did the absolute right thing. As one parent to another, friend to friend. Her goal was to be supportive and honest with her friend, to help her be an aware mother of what is really up with her child. We all need friends like that. We would "all want to know" if it was our child. We may not like it - but we'd want to know.
Two, the boy is a mess. Not because he's a pothead. He's a mess because he's a liar. He lies to his parents about who he is and what he's doing. He's not trustworthy. As a parent what would be more hurtful than to know that your child is an untrustworthy liar?
Third, the boy is a jerk. He is making the life of another student miserable by accusing her of doing something she didn't do. And rather than take personal responsibility for the fact that he really is a pot-head he's telling everyone that my friends daughter is a jerk.
I guess there would be something more hurtful than knowing that a child is an untrustworthy liar. It would be to have a child that is an irresponsible untrustworthy liar. What a mess. Hopefully he'll grow up - soon.
2 comments:
What if this whole conversation was about sex. Would the parent still want to know? Would the friend still be able to tell what was really going on? I fins that telling parents what their kids are REALLY doing is a very fine line. Some parents WANT to know while others turn a blind eye. It's a shot in the dark.
Val
Good post GASHM - as "part of the village" and in full agreement with each other on the need to share parenting, I have to say, if this were my kid, I would want to know.
To Val's point, we all know parents who are convinced their kids can do no wrong, and for them, well ... you have to choose how that rolls and whether you want to go there with them. I'd say chances are if they are that way, and I am this way, I may not be as close with them anyway, if that makes sense.
Nonetheless, a certainly interesting post, and one all of us parents must think about at all times. Thankfully, I think the worst thing my guys get involved in is being geeks, for the most part.
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