Where Did 19 Years Go?

Last night we drove up to visit our "old neighbors".  About 19 years ago we moved in across the street from Kathy & Joe.  At the time they had 2 boys - roughly 3rd & 5th grade. Our kids were still figments of  imagination.

Watching Joe & Kathy raise their boys was the best parenting instruction Gail and I could have asked for. We learned patience, perseverance, the value of sticking to your guns, and how a well timed glass of wine or beer (for the parent!) is an appropriate remedy.

Lucky for us Joe is a paramedic. More than a few times we called Joe over to "take a look at this" in regards for a bloody finger (no stitches), a banged head (stitches), etc.  Kathy was "911 nextdoor" for Gail to call on with the anxiety of being a new mom.  Our kids grew up calling their boys "NeeNee" and "Big Jon" - both of them are 6' plus!

So many years ago we shared countless evenings sitting over bonfires, sharing stories, and developing a friendship that is deep and meaningful.  Not to say the years have been paved with rainbows and stress free living. Both families have survived some big stresses -  like most families do. It gave me pause last night when we realized that NeeNee is the same age as I was when we moved in. Literally - where did the time go?!

Today, our kids are now 15 & 17, their "boys" are 28 & 30.  Both are married, NeeNee to his high-school sweetheart, and Big Jon to a fine young lady from Idaho, and they both are proud parents! That makes Joe & Kathy loving grandparents of two boys, and both daughter-in-laws are expecting again.  NeeNee will welcome another son into their lives, and Big Jon will bring - for the first time in a generation - a new baby girl to the family.  2012 is looking to be a great year!

Last  night was a blessing in many ways. 

Hearing our kids call out "NeeNee" and "Big Jon".

We shared laughs, updates on our lives, got to know Big Jon's wife a little better, and recounted old stories.

Joe gave our son some great insight into a possible college / career path.

We'll survive these teenage years. I just hope the end result is what Joe & Kathy have. What an evening!

But I didn't inhale . . .

Former President Clinton almost told the truth (IMHO) when running for election. He claimed to have smoked, but NOT inhale pot. Across the country you could hear snickering. This came to mind last night when an "old friend" came over last night for a class of wine and some visiting. (BTW, she brought over 7 Deadly Zins wine which was very good! I digress . . . she shared a story in which she had breakfast with a friend of hers. They both have kids that are Seniors in high school. The other mother shared how proud she was of her child because he was no longer smoking pot. My friend had a momentary internal conflict. Does she nod her head yes while knowing that the son is still smoking pot, or does she tell her friend.

In the end, as Hillary Clinton's conveyed in her book, "It Takes a Village: And Other Lessons children Teach Us" we parents need to help each other to raise good children to grow into respectable adults. So my friend was honest and shared what was going on. The mother bought a drug test from the local Walgreens and asked her son to do the test. He refused. He whined. He accused his mother of not trusting him. All the while steadfastly refusing to do the drug test. Then the boy went to school and accused the daughter of my friend of being a nark for telling on him. The reality is the daughter had no idea her mother knew; and certainly had no idea what her mother was going to say.

All this brings to mind a couple of thoughts . . .

One, my friend did the absolute right thing. As one parent to another, friend to friend. Her goal was to be supportive and honest with her friend, to help her be an aware mother of what is really up with her child. We all need friends like that. We would "all want to know" if it was our child. We may not like it - but we'd want to know.

Two, the boy is a mess. Not because he's a pothead. He's a mess because he's a liar. He lies to his parents  about who he is and what he's doing. He's not trustworthy. As a parent what would be more hurtful than to know that your child is an untrustworthy liar?

Third, the boy is a jerk. He is making the life of another student miserable by accusing her of doing something she didn't do. And rather than take personal responsibility for the fact that he really is a pot-head he's telling everyone that my friends daughter is a jerk.

I guess there would be something more hurtful than knowing that a child is an untrustworthy liar. It would be to have a child that is an irresponsible untrustworthy liar. What a mess. Hopefully he'll grow up - soon.

Oh, and another thing . . .

The other night, while enjoying dinner, my wife and I were talking about her day at work and what we were going to do that evening. Our 16 year old made a HUGE mistake and walked into the kitchen - which prompted my wife to say "Oh, and another thing (while turning to face our son) YOUR CAR IS A PIGSTY! Then her eyes narrowed and to emphasize her point she repeated "PIGSTY, it's disgusting". Our son has learned a great deal from me in how to stand up to his mother when she is yelling. He kept his mouth shut, bowed his head slightly and concentrated on staring through the floor to China.

Evidently my wife was right. Later that night our son filled one trash bag and brought in two baskets of "stuff" consisting of a sleeping bag and pillow (from a retreat he went to in early August), a broken umbrella, four jackets and, well the list goes on . . .

While my wife was busy playing Mahjong with her girlfriends I sneaked out to my car with a bottle of Windex and paper towels. Just to make sure it would pass any surprise inspection.

Illinois Legislature Sucks Hens Teeth

Admittedly I have a big bias (my wife is a teacher) in the discussion about public employee pensions, the current shortfall, and what should be done to solve the problem. I propose that every legislature member and governor that caused the problem should have their pensions reduced / eliminated to restore the public employee retirement funds to their proper levels.  

Consider the facts . . . 

Teachers do not get Social Security.  The get TRS - Teachers Retirement Service.

Private Sector Employees contribution of gross income into Social Security: 6.5%

Teachers contribution of gross income into TRS:  9.4%

State of ILL (old school abbreviation on purpose) gross income contribution match for each teacher is: 6.5%

Employers gross income contribution match for each employee: 6.2%

TRS was set up to never run out of funds.

State of ILL has NOT made a full payment to TRS in 40 years.

IMAGINE if a private sector employer did not make full payment to Social Security.

The State of ILL, on several occasions, has "borrowed" from TRS to fund projects and cover budget shortfalls.

The "borrowed" money has never been paid back.
IMAGINE if a private sector employer plundered employees retirement accounts.

The Illinois legislature and governors are the cause of the current problem.

They failed to make required contributions. They stole from the TRS fund.

PS: When a teacher works in the private sector they contribute 6.5% of their private sector income into SSN just like everyone else.  HOWEVER, when they draw SSN benefits, the benefit is cut by 67% due to the income received from their TRS.

First Line of Defense - FAIL

This past Saturday morning I was a the Libertyville office of the Illinois Secretary of State. I was renewing my drivers license. Imagine a big "help" desk with about 8 stations. Your number gets called and you go up to get help and move on to the next station.

The lady I was working with paused in mid-sentence as we heard her colleague say to the gentlemen she was helping, "Oh, your name is flagged. It says you are being flagged as a potential terrorist threat. I need to get my supervisor.". The man appeared to be in his mid-20's and seemed a bit surprised. The lady continued with saying . . . "Sometimes this happens because of a name match, or similar sounding name. My supervisor will ask you a couple of questions. If he can't clear you then we'll have you speak with someone else".

So she picks up the phone and calls the supervisor. His office was about 5 feet in back of her. I'm thinking "this will be interesting" and wondered what Home Land Security means in suburbia.

Well, I found out - and it isn't good.

The supervisor walks over and asks, "Where's the form?" The lady hands him a piece of paper, he grabs a pen out of his shirt, scribbles something on it, turns around and heads back to his office.

Never asked the guy a question, didn't even establish eye contact.

Where Am I?

A situation at work today reminded me of an exchange my wife and I had a few years ago.  My son had basketball practice one evening and I had told my wife rather than come home and then drive to practice I would just meet her at the gym. 

Practice started and my son and wife were no where to be found.

My cell rang a few moments later and it was my wife. Frantic. Stressed.

She asked me how to get to the gym. I asked where she was. Her answer. "I'm lost".

I asked her what street she was on. She didn't know.

I asked her what intersection did she pass. She didn't know.

I asked her if she could see any landmarks. She couldn't (it was a very dark night).

With each of my questions her tone became more frantic and stressed.

I asked her which direction she was headed in. She didn't know.

I told her that since she didn't know where she was, where she had been, or where she was going it was impossible for me to help her find the way to the gym.

She hung up on me. 

I wondered if I'd be allowed to sleep "in the big bed" that night.

About 10 minutes later they arrived at the gym.

So what got me to recall this little bit of history is today one of our clients asked us to stop promotion to their offer because of "poor quality" leads. 

We have several publishers promoting the offer so we asked which ones were the source of the poor leads.

Simply - our client doesn't know. They don't track the publisher sources.

We asked for feedback on the specific lead data. Is it bad phone numbers? Bad postal addresses? Bad email addresses. Our client replied "we don't share that information with our vendors" .

They then asked us what we could do to improve lead quality.

And thus I recalled the exchange my wife and I had several years ago.

So Proud I Could Cry

There are days when our children make us so very proud . . . AJ has a new passion and one that has such good timing with the story of Passover  . . . to help the Child Soldiers in Uganda find freedom. These children are abducted from their homes and forced to fight as child soldiers by Joseph Kony and his rebel army - the LRA.

Click to see the video AJ saw

AJ is joining thousands across the country in silence for 25 hours to raise awareness about the use of child soldiers by the LRA and programs to help rehabilitate them.

If you can, any donation will help fund Invisible Children's work to rescue and protect innocent victims from the violence of this war. By clicking the link below you can help support AJ and Invisible Children's good work and efforts: http://ic.stayclassy.org/member/ic-fundraising?fcid=99929

Dat Right Dars Funny . . .

A professor was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to first year medical students.

Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman and asked, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably out deer hunting with his buddies.'

image credit to: blogs.mix947.com 

It took a while to restore order in the classroom . . .

A Classic - 5 Minute Management Lesson

Lesson I: 
A man gets into the shower just as his wife finishes her shower.

The doorbell rings . . .
 
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor . . .
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
          
The woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds Bob hands her $800 and leaves. 
                
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. 
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies....
                
"Great," the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?" 

By sharing critical information with your shareholders you can prevent avoidable exposure. 


Lesson II: 
A priest offered a Nun a lift. 
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 
                
The priest nearly had an accident. 
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 
                
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' 
               
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 
               
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' 
                
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak..' 
                
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. 
                
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory." 
        
If you are not well informed, you might miss a great opportunity.
        
Lesson III: 
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. 
               
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 
               
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 
              
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." 
               
Puff! She's gone. 
               
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' 
                
Puff! He's gone. 
               
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
        
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch' 

Always let your boss have the first say.
        
Lesson IV: 
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. 
                
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' 
                
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' 
                
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. 


Suddenly a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. 
        

To be sit and do nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson V: 
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
            
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
            
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients..'
          
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree . . .
           
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
            
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at t he top of the tree.
           
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
          
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Lesson VI:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
           
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
            
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
           
The dung was actually thawing him out!
           
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
           
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
            
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
    
Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. When you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
   
Thus ends the 5 Minute Management Course - GET BACK TO WORK! 

Who has an accent?

I was born in the South. The real South. Not some made up Southern town like Atlanta. Sadly my family moved to the midwest, Chacago, when I was small kid. As a result it's very rare when my natural accent comes out. As a result I have way too many "a"s in my life. This afternoon a friend sent me this list of how Chacagoins speak. I think it's pretty funny. Maybe that's because humor, like politics, tends to be local?

How People In Chicago Speak:
 
1. Grachki (grach'-key): Chicagoese for "garage key" as in, "Yo, Theresa, waja do wit da grachki? Howmy supposta cut da grass if I don't git intada grach?"

2. Sammich: Chicagoese for sandwich.  When made with sausage, it's a sassage sammich; when made with shredded beef, it's an Italian Beef sammich, a local delicacy consisting of piles of spicy meat in a perilously soggy bun.

3. Da: This article is a key part of Chicago speech, as in "Da Bears" or "Da Mare" -- the latter denoting Richard M. Daley, or Richie, as he's often called.

4. Jewels: Not family heirlooms, but a popular name for one of the region's dominant grocery store chains. "I'ma goin' to the Jewels to pick up some sassage."

5. Field's: Marshall Field, a prominent Chicago department store. Also Carson Pirie Scott, another major department store chain, is simply called " Carson 's."

6. Tree: The number between two and four. "We were lucky dat we only got tree inches of snow da udder night."

7. Over by dere: Translates to "over by there," a way of emphasizing a site presumed familiar to the listener. As in, "I got the sassage at the Jewels down on Kedzie, over by dere."

8.  Kaminski Park : The mispronounced name of the ballpark where the Chicago White Sox (da Sox) play baseball. Comiskey Park was renamed U.S. Cellular Field (da Cell). Or like Obama said, he's a big Sox fan and he loves going to Cominski Field?!

9. Frunchroom: As in, "Get outta da frunchroom wit dose muddy shoes." It's not the "parlor." It's not the "living room." In the land of the bungalow, it's the "frunchroom," a named derived, linguists believe, from "front room."

10. Youse: Not the verb, but the plural pronoun 'you!' "Where youse goin'?"

11. Downtown: Anywhere near the Lake , south of the Zoo (Lincoln Park Zoo) and north of Soldier Field.

12. The Lake:  Lake Michigan (What other lake is there?) It's often used by local weathermen, "cooler by The Lake."

13. Gunnagowit: as in make up your mind are you gunna go wit me to the store?

14. Braht: Short for Bratwurst. "Gimme a braht wit kraut."

15. Goes: Past or present tense of the verb "say." For example, "Den he goes, 'I like this place'!"

16. Guys: Used when addressing two or more people, regardless of each individual's gender.

17. Pop: A soft drink. Don't say "soda" in this town. "Do ya wanna canna pop?"

18. Sliders: Nickname for hamburgers from White Castle, a popular Midwestern burger chain. "Dose sliders I had last night gave me da runs."

19. The Taste: The Taste of Chicago Festival, a huge extravaganza in Grant Park featuring samples of Chicagoland cuisine which takes place each year around the Fourth of July holiday.

20. "Jeetyet?": Translates to, "Did you eat yet?"

21. Winter and Construction: Punch line to the joke, "What are the two seasons in Chicago?"

22. Cuppa Too-Tree: is Chicagoese for "a couple, two, three" which really means "a few." For example, "Hey Mike, dere any beerz left in da cooler over by dere?" "Yeh, a cuppa too-tree."

23. 588-2300: Everyone in Chicago knows this commercial jingle and the carpet company you'll get if you call that number!

24. Junk Dror: You will usually find the 'junk drawer' in the kitchen filled to the brim with miscellaneous, but very 
important, junk.

25. Southern Illinois: Anything south of I-80. This is where Smothers' boys is from....

26. Expressways: The Interstates in the immediate Chicagoland area are usually known just by their 'name' and not their Interstate number: the Dan Ryan ("da Ryan"), the Stevenson, the Kennedy (da "Kennedy"), the Eisenhower (da "Ike"), and the Edens (just "Edens" but Da Edens" is acceptable).

27. Gym Shoes: The rest of the country may refer to them as sneakers or running shoes, but Chicagoans will always call them gym shoes! 
 

28. Da Bears! Not the animal you'll find at Lincoln Park or Brookfield. 

29. The Cheddar Curtain: the border between Illinois and Wisconsin. 

30. Cheese Heads: those that live North of the Cheddar Curtain. 

31. Asswhoop-in: what Da Bears will do to the Packers this weekend!;)